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About Traditional Art / Hobbyist Premium Member hornGod21/Male/Finland Group :iconhallowsgrasp: HallowsGrasp
Well... this is weird.
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Deviant for 4 Years
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Contact me at Skype (ivanpotato) if you need me



Journal Entry: Thu Oct 30, 2014, 11:20 AM

I believe I'm beginning to get better. I actually kind of found the answer, even if it wasn't direct - but this one I'm able to accept as legit. Why to cry about losing something I never had? If I didn't have it, I never lost it. Even if I still have what I created on my own. What I created is mine, and I don't have to give up on it, and honestly I'm not willing nor capable of doing so. It's not going to change anything, sure, nor is it any useful to myself as it is. But I can use it as a source.
Now I can focus on rebuilding myself. I can fix the most urgent problems, and when I've got a good start with that, I'll devote myself to help and comfort others, whenever I'm needed. I've been too selfish for quite some time, and I don't want to be like that. I don't feel like I've meant to be like that. Same with me getting easily upset and frustrated, that shouldn't be a part of me either. Me being this self-centered does nothing but causes pain and irritation on others and myself anyway, and I wasn't always like this. 
So I want to grow out of those flaws and become a better person. I want to be there for people, and I want to offer support and comfort psychically to those in need of it. But first, I need to take care of myself, I can't begin helping others as a wreck - I find that to be an irresponsible thing for me to do. But I only need some adjustment and a little time, and I swear I'll be better, even if there is troubled feelings in me. But I can use them for good. There is always energy, it only changes shapes, so I can turn the negative energy into positive energy of the same value, in a way or another. I only need motivation, and to get into a better condition physically - I've had headaches and stomach aches again, I am currently sick, but I'll take care of that. So that I can proceed with all this.
I'm still continuing my hiatus for a while, until I'm feeling at least slightly more healthy, to make sure I'm not still getting worse. I'm still terribly exhausted, but it'll be gone eventually, and I'll try to do something refreshing to encourage that - I'll be going to movies with a dear friend of mine, celebrate her birthday a little, but otherwise I'm going to spend some time by myself. I'm improving my mental defense.
I'm not actually on dA currently, by the way- I'm typing this on email.
And I'm asking Jack to submit this journal since I don't want to get my password back just yet.

Those who know me, if you'd bother to do so, could you tell me your honest opinion of me?
I'm not looking to get praised, actually I want to get the opposite - I especially want to have my flaws pointed out so I can work on them and improve as a person.
If you don't want to or don't dare to comment here on dA, you can do it (anonymously) on my new tumblr;
You know I won't be offended by any feedback 
You can also just say hi there if you'd like, since I can't respond on dA ♥

...with explosives.



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